Publishing Fantasy #2

what if i somehow bought Gawker and turned it into a non-profit newsletter that homeless people sold to other people on the street?

• the homeless people would have the option to exchange the Gawker newsletter for things other than cash, such as stock, pillows, food, health care packages, or even 'crack' cocaine. "i don't care," i, as publisher and executive director of New Gawker Street 'Zine, would tell the homeless. "as long as you get something for it. got to get yours."
• call donations "non-profit stock" to attract dumb investors
• 'hatch' 'plan' to turn every internet site into a zine that homeless people can trade and sell on the streets to gain various forms of wealth: financial, social, intellectual, sexual, spiritual, dental, ornithological, whateveral.
• die young so people will make a movie about my life starring Julia Roberts as the woman i love that will be called Dying Young II: But Destroying the Internet Before You Do While Winning the Affections of a Woman Who Looks Vaguely Like Julia Roberts So Julia Roberts Can Play Her in the Film Version of Your Life and Early Death Starring Julia Roberts. or it can just be called A Handmaid's Tale.

lo, i am the handmaid of the lord.

Publishing Fantasy #1

what if i edited Ladies' Home Journal? many readers of this blog have been fantasizing about this possibility for some time now. here is a 'working list' of 'improvements' i would make to the journal:

1. rename it Ladies!
2. make the below image the first cover of Ladies!
3. feature only articles that promote myself, robert j. baumann, to single women, as a sexual auteur and publishing genius
   
4. kill myself, ensuring cult-like following of Ladies! (this will be a service to the world, not just to the legacy of LHJ)