Thursday, September 13, 2007

On the Enjoyment of Said, v.1.0

In a world, one man must enjoy said if he ever wants to see his family again. For instance, his family might have been a group of baby seals, and one of the seal babies was named Cuthbert and has glasses and a cowlick. The bad men from E.T. come and snatch the baby seals into sacks and throw them in the closet. At first, one man thinks that he must fight in a world of baby seal-nappers, but little does he know, this was not the only way to save his family and ever see them again. A baby seal family, for instance. Another way to do that is to enjoy said.

First, we must ask ourselves, just what the fuck is said? Webster defines "said" as "(1) something to be enjoyed; (2) something that we have to ask ourselves just what the fuck it is; (3) anything that which, when enjoyed properly, may serve as ransom-in-full for seal babies." In a world, one man must use the third definition if he wants to actually enjoy said and not sit around on the couch all day asking questions.

In conclusion, one man did not have to fight a world of underground seal-snatching sadists with big fucking bowie knives and a penchant for quackery in order to ever see his family again. If he could simply enjoy said, he would save them just the same. If not, they might be clubbed in a world for being gay-wads named Cuthbert, and for being baby seals. That is why he has to save them because it is important to accept all kinds of people in today's society.

2 comments:

matthew christman said...

Speaking of struggling with the ineffable, I think this post is hilarious, but I can't explain why, and I don't know how the hell a person would think to write it. I'm guessing it has something to do with cliched movie trailer rhetoric?

Slugbert said...

just wait till you see v.2.0!

i.e., just wait till you see what I can do in a bathtub!

i.e., he called the shit "poop"!