Thursday, October 26, 2006

Everybody's saying he's really quite amazing. He's the Macho Man.

"Macho Man" Randy Savage. It's not that he's not macho, it's just that his theme song has some funny rhymes.

"The Tower of Power, to sweet to be sour, funky like a monkey, oh yeah! Dig it!"

Let's take this one piece at a time, shall we?

"Tower of Power" - Randy Savage was a big, strong dude. He did steroids. Steroids did him. Steroids did his butt. His butt probably ate steroids like every single day. But at 6'1" 230 lbs, there were a lot of other wrestlers more deserving of the nomer "Tower" at the time Mr. Savage wrastled. Take the famed and feared John Tenta, AKA Earthquake. He was 6'7" 465 lbs. Now that's a TOWER! And he didn't even eat steroids, though that's about the only thing he didn't eat (his own dick was no exception -- see this evidence). Earthquake, though, would have been more like "Tower of Balding Flabber".

In Terms of "Power", I think there were at least a couple of other guys more deserving, the foremost being the Ultimate Warrior. Compare the two below:

Not only is the Warrior way more powerful, he is also heterosexual while Macho Man is gay.

Now for "Too sweet to be sour." If it is a little bit sweet, it can still be sour, but Macho Man Randy Savage has passed that threshhold where sweet can no longer, in any humanly conceivable way, be sour. "Sour", you will note, also rhymes with "power" and "tower", which are found in the previous line of the Macho Man's mantra. This bestows drama and a memorable nature on the jingle.

And lastly, "monkey". Why a monkey? Because it rhymes with FUNKY! That is the reason monkeys are funky (garsh that fun ter say), and that is the reason your best friend in the world, Macho Man Randall Q. Savage is funky. Like a monkey. He is the Macho Man.


John M. said...

What about Slim Jims? Do those tasty meat snacks have anything to do with it?

Robert J said...

Slim Jims are made of funky monkey meat. Slim Jims are also alliterative. Jingles are better than singles!